I have a 4th grader - what I know and don't know about middle school frightens me
/By Joyce Szuflita
Middle school is to high school as prek is to kindergarten.
Essentially, the kind of executive functioning growth that happened in Prek that enabled your child to be successful in the first academic year at kindergarten is akin to the physical and social emotional growth that happens at middle school which prepares them for the rigors of high school.
Your children will ride the subway two stops where they lose their fare cards and break their phone screens, to go to a school where they have to find their way from class to class on their own! They will kind of know some kids but they will be awkward and not talk to them at all or talk too much, and cry about it all when they get home. They will have difficulty controlling their gangly limbs, big teeth and odd voices. I am not even going to mention accidentally sitting on gum or having uneven breast development. The horror. So much to think about! If one math problem gets through all the noise in their heads and hearts it would be a miracle.
Then in three short years, when they are doing real commutes and attending a much higher stakes environment, they will kind of know how to fix their hair and comport themselves in public without constant embarrassment and regret so they can get down to some really interesting, challenging academics and skills. Middle school is necessary and thank goodness it is over in the blink of an eye.
As a parent, you can’t afford to be frightened (and there is no need anyway). You have to be the steady, unflappable grownup with the Mona Lisa smile, who brushes off their lame disses, as you keep them supplied with pimple cream and protein snacks and makes sure that they don’t have screen time an hour before bed. It is a thankless job, but it is what you signed on for. Sorry.
There are three things they need to have at middle school: They need to be safe. They need to be surrounded by teachers of integrity, and they need to come out of school with their self esteem intact. If those three things are in place EVERYTHING else follows. In my long experience, kids who attend middle schools that meet this criteria are successful in each coveted high school to which they are suited. Not every kid is a fit for every high school, but there are also so many worthy high schools that there is truly a school for every kid.
Middle schools have different names and that often makes one think that they are specialized, but they are NOT. 80% of what happens at middle school is the same at every single school; English, Math, Social Studies and Science. THE SAME. The 20% that makes them slightly different is made up of Arts, Gym, Tech, Social Emotional Education, and Foreign Language. They all have to have a little bit of each of those, but they may have slightly more of one than another. The difference between an ‘arty’ program or not is likely to be an hour a week. REALLY don’t sweat this.
In the end, I know that you are mostly afraid of the random number and its impact on your child’s life. I laugh in face of the random number! Considering that middle school’s job is gently shepherding your child along the path of development for the briefest of moments and there are so many thoughtful educators - let the random number do its worst. There are more than enough seats in worthy programs where your kids will thrive, even if they are not the ‘popular’ schools. Popularity at middle school is overrated.
